It’s about time we give her panties a voice, isn’t it? I’m here to break down what her lingerie says about her, or more importantly, what she thinks it’s saying to you.

By: Laura C. Anderson

Granny Panties

She’s probably on her period, or hasn’t shaved, or is too lazy and too focused on her own comfort instead of your viewing pleasure. I can promise you she’s not trying to impress anyone in these bad boys. Oh, and don’t expect to get any further than first base. 


One word: Rawr. She knows it hides well under her clothing and more importantly; it’s the skimpiest and easiest to slide to the side for easier access.


This is one step above being completely nude. She feels promiscuous and ready for things to get a little kinky. She might as well be wearing a rubber band around her goodies, but let’s be real – she’s ready for you to snap it. 

Matching Set

This girl is high maintenance. She might even have a little OCD coursing through her veins. One thing is for sure; she’ll be harnessing her inner Victoria’s Secret Angel for you tonight. Don’t just rip this set off her in sheer anticipation for what’s to come, though, she paid good money for this silky set and wants you to appreciate her in it.

Black Lace

Sex. This is the most iconic lingerie choice a woman can make if she’s ready to get laid. Nothing screams sex kitten more than a little lacy black panty to compliment that LBD she’s already wearing. If you’re lucky enough to slip that little number off her just to uncover Cat Woman’s panties underneath, pull the condoms and jellies out because shit is about to get real.  

Bikini Briefs

I won’t lie, there isn’t exactly a‘Wow’ factor associated with these bad boys. Yes, many bikini briefs can be cute but these are more often than not associated with long-term relationships. So yeah, maybe she doesn’t feel the need to impress you anymore, but so what? There’s still the same goody ready to be devoured underneath.

Hip Huggers

Ah, nothing like a solid pair of hourglass enhancing panties. The best part about these is she knows how good she looks in them even though there’s really nothing that sexy about anything high-wasted. She likes them because they suck in her trouble areas, but you hate them because they hide the best part of her you love to grab onto.  

Boy Shorts

Even if she doesn’t have an ass, it will give her the illusion she does. It’s that sporty, playful Tomboy look every man can’t wait to get his hands on and she knows it. She’s ready to dance around in the morning in just her boy shorts and your T shirt while making pancakes and bacon. 


She definitely just got back from a business meeting in a tight-ass pencil skirt. She’s also older than 30. She might be a little self-conscious about her love-handles and might need a little bit of love handling…Feel free to rip those off of her ASAP, too, they feel just as uncomfortable as they are to look at.



THE HOLY GRAIL. THE CREME DE LA CREME. You are 100% getting laid. Twice. Okay, let’s be real, more than twice. If she’s comfortable enough to free the pus than she’s comfortable enough for you to get a little frisky with it.

Laura C. Anderson | @s0mebl0nde



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