NEW YEAR, NEW YOU: RELATIONSHIP EDITION
2017 is the year of new beginnings, and for some, new relationships. That being said, here are 20 things you should do more of this year, and 17 things you should absolutely do less of.
Written by: Laura C. Anderson
Couples who sweat together stay together, right? Not to mention how important a healthy lifestyle is, losing weight and getting in shape will ultimately make you both more attracted to one another.
- Spontaneous sex.
If you’re at a point in your career or your day-to-day lifestyle where you’re penciling “Have Sex” into your calendar, then you’re in desperate need for some spontaneous sex.
- Compliment each other.
It sounds self-explanatory, but I cannot stress how vital appreciating your partner is. Acknowledging and appreciating the little things, as well as the big things, goes such a long way. When you feel like you’re being taken for granted, you eventually resent that person. A simple, “Thank You,” can be the difference between having sex that night or not.
Independency is so fundamental to your overall happiness and health. It’s easy to lose your ambition, aspirations, drive, and confidence when you’ve become emotionally dependent on your partner or you’ve convinced yourself there’s no time for your own contentment.
- Go on vacation.
This is especially important for couples with kids. Between children, your jobs, or even just regular household chores, you’re left with little energy or creativity to take into the bedroom. Treat yourselves. Go relax on an island and rekindle that spark or go on a hike in the mountains. Just go somewhere this year.
- Exciting lingerie/sex toys.
After you’ve purchased that Karma Sutra book and you’re revved up to try kinkier positions, take things to the next level by wearing sexy clothing or fooling around with some new devices for added pleasure.
- Make time for date nights.
It’s fun, it’s refreshing, and it’s about damn time.
- Explore new sex positions.
It’s no secret that sex can become mundane and routine. Mix things up by researching new positions to spice things up. Barnes & Noble must literally have hundreds of books on Karma Sutra. You don’t even need to physically enter the store and face that awkward stare down with your cashier, anymore. Just one click on online and it’s yours.
I’m not really sure why in the last decade or so the concept of using condoms has pretty much gone out the window, but for the sake of gynaecologists and andrologists everywhere, can we please bring them back? Your doctors have seen enough shit and they’d rather you just wrap it up to prevent STD’s.
- Focus more on your partner’s orgasm.
Since when did sex become a fight to the finish sport? It isn’t a sprint people, we don’t need to race to the finish line. We all know girls typically struggle a little more to reach orgasm while men frequently follow a ‘two pump and done’ technique, so let’s all think less about our parts and more about our partner’s, okay?
- Turn the lights on during sex.
So many men and women are insecure with their bodies and insecurity is pretty much never a token ingredient for great sex. Your partner knows what your body looks like, there’s nothing you’re hiding from them. Plus, watching the act itself can act as a catalyst for your orgasm.
- Film your sex.
Not to mention how many doors this can open for your relationship sexually, it can also be a great confidence booster. Seeing your partner performing on you might really arouse you, while watching yourself can improve technique, form, and sexual assurance. Just be careful what you do with the evidence when you’re done.
- Dirty talk.
We’ve all done it – we’re having sex and we’re thinking loads of filthy, XXX-rated content in our heads. We think if we say any of it aloud, our partner will just stop in his or her tracks with a deer-caught-in-headlights look on their face and you’ll never recover. When in reality, polls and stats have proven most men and women would rather their partners be more verbally expressive during sex.
- Actually finding her fucking clit.
I’m sorry, was that aggressive? I think it’s just fair to say women have suffered from enough aimlessly wandering fingers and tongues that 2017 should be the year confused men everywhere look up an anatomy chart online. If it helps, it’s in the same spot for every girl and it doesn’t get up and move during the night. You’ve got this.
Somewhere between the evolution of our hook-up culture and Tinder’s platform for casual sex, foreplay seems to be forgotten. Remember the good old days when you’d feel each other up over your clothes for like seven years and kiss each other’s mouths, necks, and ears for what felt like an eternity before FINALLY getting to the hot and heavy stuff? Remember how much harder he was and how much wetter she was as a result? Operation Bring Back Foreplay 2k17 has officially commenced.
- Build your stamina.
Sometimes the truth hurts but longer-lasting sex is proven to increase the chances of your woman getting off. Maybe she’s being polite and telling you she doesn’t mind when you finish before the commercial break during your favorite show is up, but you should know she does. Quickies are wonderful and should happen whenever or wherever you find a five to ten minute window, but if your sex is always only lasting five to ten minutes regardless, then perhaps it’s time to build that stamina. Which you can do by finding time to masturbate more, having sex more consistently, or working harder to focus on her pleasure rather than your own.
- Ask the cute guy or girl at the bar on a date.
How many times are you going to let the perfect opportunity to meet someone you find attractive slip away? What have you got to lose, it’s not like they’re going to bite you. Well – I take that back - they might, there’s a lot of weirdo’s out there these days. But whatever, you’ve done it enough, 2017 is your year. Go get ‘em.
- Go out more.
Are you a hermit? Do you stay in most nights in your sweatpants, swiping away on Bumble wondering why you’re never meeting anyone or having any fun? If you said yes to any of the above questions then you, my friend, need to close that dating app, open up Uber, and go out.
- Watch porn together.
Ok, I get it, this one isn’t for everyone, and if this sort of thing makes you uncomfortable then you should never feel like this is an obligation. However, according to MedicalDaily.com, couples that watch pornography together are more likely to have thriving relationships because of their levels of honesty and communication. It can be an exciting, wonderful foreplay, which stimulates ideas, themes, and scenarios that can elicit spontaneity and adventure for the couple.
Now we can all take a moment to laugh at the thought of bringing snacks to bed to watch porn, like the bottom image suggests.
- Stay inside.
Just as important as it is for the couples who typically hermit or stay inside too often to get out for happy hour or attend a night club every once in a while, it’s just as important for the individuals or couples who are ALWAYS out partying or drinking. Balance is key; going out all the time can really hurt your bank account and your immune system. Think of it as a refresher once or twice a week where you can just watch Netflix and chill (wink, wink).
- Going through your partner’s social media accounts.
It’s simple really - do you trust him or her, or do you not? Stop invading his or her personal space and hacking their Facebook or Instagram. Your paranoia isn’t cute.
- Pointless Fighting.
If you get mad at every little thing you’re never going to survive. At least, not peacefully or happily.
- Masturbating Alone.
Hey, nothing wrong with privately taking care of business but maybe 2017 will be the year you include your partner more when you’re turned on or horny. How does that saying go? “A couple that has a lot of sex is a really happy couple”…or something like that?
- Keeping secrets.
Truth always comes out and keeping secrets does nothing but create trust issues.
- Stop finishing before her.
Back to the stamina thing from before – yeah – just focus on her orgasm and make sure she finishes. A happy wife is a happy life.
- Insecurity & jealousy.
There is NOTHING more unattractive than insecurity. If you don’t feel confident in your relationship or you feel unhappy, maybe you’re in the wrong relationship. Either way, make this the year you find comfort and confidence in your relationship so you can both start living a healthier lifestyle.
It’s easy to lose yourself into someone over time and depend solely on him or her for your own happiness, but it’s extremely unhealthy. Should you two ever break up you’ll feel lost and depressed. Take time to figure out who you are, what you want, and how to obtain it on your own so you can start living more independently.
- Unrealistic ideals.
I know the Victoria Secret Angels are hot and so are all those Instagram models you follow, but you can’t expect your girlfriend to look like her overnight, or possibly ever. If you just keep getting let down and making her feel guilty for no reason, let’s make 2017 the year we become a bit more realistic.
- Comparing yourself to your partner’s ex.
This one’s tough because it’s almost like a reflex we can’t control. We naturally compare ourselves to other people and exes are surely no exception. Trust that your partner is with you and not him or her for a reason and try to quiet that pestering voice inside your head telling you to doubt it all.
- Playing on your phone when your partner is talking.
It’s rude and it’s annoying. Do less of that.
- Getting hung up on the little things.
Life’s too short to get hung up on your partner forgetting your middle name. Totally different story should he forget your first name, though. If that happens, you have my permission to 100% get hung up on it.
- Going to bed upset at each other.
It feels awful and it makes for the worst night’s sleep ever. Work on resolving your issues before you go to sleep, even if it means staying up later than usual. Invest in your relationship, it’s important.
- Accidentally sticking it up her butt.
Look, guys, I know the holes are close together but damn this is getting a little too repetitive for her. I know she says spontaneity is a key trait she looks for in a man but not when it comes to spontaneous anal.
- Teeth during a blowjob.
Ladies, you are not a teething infant. You do not need to grate your teeth along his shaft. I don’t know how many more times this can be discussed.
- Overthinking sex.
No, he is not thinking about your cellulite. No, she is not expecting you to last forever. No, he’s not disappointed you needed lubricant. Yes, she’s still turned on by you even though she needed lubricant. See where I’m going with this?
- Hook-up apps.
As much as I love Tinder, it really does make dating seem glum and depressing. Dating isn’t so awful out there in the real world. Maybe put down your phone this year and go out to a bar or a social outing.
- One night stands.
It makes the other person feel awful and at the end of the day, what did you really gain from it? Paranoia over whether or not you now have an STD?
Laura C. Anderson | @s0mebl0nde
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