Photo credit: Michael Franco

Photo credit: Michael Franco

By: Anicia Bragg

You've dated and dined, you’ve gone to the bedroom, now you’ve both committed making a relationship work. You’re in the 6-month honeymoon stage, on your best behavior; still find all of each other’s quirks endearing and their faults just look like one more thing to love.

I’m here to wish you the best in your relationship! I hope your bae is the love of your life and she’s everything you dream of and more! We should all be so lucky to strike at love right out the gate.  Sometimes, we can’t see the forest for the trees.  You have this beautiful, smart, funny woman that’s in front of you ticking off every checkmark.  That image of her in your head is keeping you from seeing any potholes in the road ahead. Those problems never go away. When you like someone, you just don’t see the faults.

There are plenty of reasons relationships don’t work out. Some have real validity, others are just excuses we tell to get out of the arrangement.  Today, we’re looking at 6 points of failure

1. The office mail clerk sees your girlfriend more than you do

She work full days, goes to the gym, meets the ladies at a bar, checks in with family, walks the dogs, has breakfast with friends, catches the latest movie with her bff.  You’re wondering, where do I fit into this busy schedule?  If the answer is you don’t, guess what, you aren’t a priority. I’m not saying she has to spend all of her time with you. You’re happy to have your freedom, but wondering when it’s your turn isn’t a great sign. There needs to be a dedicated day. A lot of my guy friends give a Saturday/Sunday to their ladies where both parties know that’s their day, no interruptions. 

2. You’re a dime a dozen

Sorry guys in advanced, but every girl has an army of guys willing to jump in to take your place if you drop the ball. Some women know this more than others. She’s into you, but she’s not willing to let go of the attention other guys pay her. She might not be sleeping with them, but her attention is split between you and 5 guys you know would take your place the moment you drop out of this race. 

Don’t get the wrong idea though. You know when someone’s just a friend and someone’s friend-zoned. I know you’ve been there. What guy hasn’t? She can have guy friends, just like you can have female friends. You can sense when someone’s getting more than their share of time. It isn’t worth a physical fight. If you want to be a man, just talk to her. If she can’t understand it, reverse it and tell her what it would be like for her. Women are great with empathy, especially when you place things in context that matter to them.

3. Sex isn’t everything, Sex is everything

Ever date someone because the sex was great but the relationship is in shambles? How about stay in a relationship where the sex was practically non-existent? That’s the heart of this next one. What’s the sex like with your girlfriend? Does it happen often enough for you? Are you doing all the work or are you both doing your fair share of pleasing? You shouldn’t base your relationship solely on your sex life, but let’s be real, it’s an important part of any relationship. You shouldn’t feel ashamed for wanting it more or less, neither should she. The question is do you both want it about the same? If the answer is no, it could lead to future resentment. One partner is always going to feel too demanding or underappreciated. 

And one more thing, guys, I really feel for you dealing with pillow princesses. You have to initiate, do all the work, and handle damage control because there wasn’t any direction. If that’s the girl you’re dating, jump ship, it doesn’t get better

4. The B Word

Men and women both don’t respond well to being disrespected (just ask Don Corleone!) Sometimes it’s intentional, other times not. We all have moments we’re less than kind. We all have bad days when rightfully, someone deserves to punch us (not advocating violence!) 

She’s the woman of your dreams. Except you’re noticing she’s rude to the supermarket cashier for not hurrying up, the waiters get yelled at for small things, her girl friends are never on her side and think she’s out of line, the boss is a b—. Everyone through her eyes looks like they’re doing harm to her. Soon enough gentlemen, something you do will put you on her naughty list. She’ll find faults in you and tear you down just like she did her friends when complaining about her day. She’s acting like a real b—, but because you’re enamored with her, you don’t see it. She’ll change, it’s just one bad day you’re saying. Trust me, that’s who she is and no one is going to change that. I can’t tell you to walk away from this relationship, but I don’t think it’s sustainable in the long run. 

5. Want to watch the game? Great, you’re taking her shopping

Some women want to monopolize all your time.  That’s not a bad thing. You enjoy spending your time with her right? It’s better than not seeing her at all. Except you never seem to do anything you want to do. Watching a game, going to a museum, working on your bike, something that you enjoy. You realize it’s been months since you’ve seen your friends or picked up a hobby you were active in not too long ago. You chalk it up to romance. Oh things will get better, we’re just trying to spend all our time together!

That’s not likely guys. Your lady prioritizes her life and interests over yours. She’s used to whipped guys following her orders without question. Her interests and wants are yours. Successful relationships find a balance between his and her interests. You find a common thread in each other’s lives and run with it. That’s what makes things work long term. Otherwise, you’re going to feel resentful and unhappy. When you’re unhappy, you start to look elsewhere for love…another problem for another article.

6. I Don’t Like The Drugs But The Drugs Like Me

Getting black out drunk or dropping some molly with friends has its moments. You do it occasionally and share a great time with your girlfriend/friends. We all need to let loose now and then.

You never notice how functional an addict in the beginning. You’re blind to it. Every night feels like a bender. Drinking at the bar, drinking at home, drinking at a friend’s house. Work weeks are filled with mind altering substances. “You want to do XYZ with me? Oh you have work in the morning…come on..do it!” You like her and that’s why you’ll follow her in his behavior. It’s just one time. It’s just one time. It’s just this one time. You’ll say that repeatedly. She has a problem and you’re not going to be the one to save her.  Sorry guys, that problem existed before you did and will exist after you. It’s hard to date someone in that cycle. 

Written by: Anicia Bragg

Special Thanks: Jonathan at Shandrew PR



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