SPOOKIEST PLACES TO GET LAID THIS HALLOWEEN



By: Laura C. Anderson


Do you love all things Halloween? Does the idea of indulging in yet another Freddy Krueger movie marathon really turn you on? Do you find yourself humming the theme song from Nightmare Before Christmas uncontrollably while having sex throughout the month of October? Do you secretly fantasize about binge watching every Halloween movie ever made? Would you love nothing more than to spend an intimate night with Rob Zombie and all his twisted thoughts?

If you answered yes to any or all of those questions than you’re ready to take Halloween to the next level. Everyone knows Halloween unleashes the inner freak in us all. For all those thrill seekers out there hoping to spook up their sex lives, get ready to whet your appetite. I propose to you, my freaky audience members, a select few of what I would think would be the spookiest places to take your significant other to this Hollow’s Eve or Halloween night to live out a wild fantasy or fetish.  


GRAVEYARD

t wouldn’t be Halloween if we didn’t enter a cemetery at night, right? What better time of the year to disrobe and do it on someone’s grave? Should you find yourself strolling through the quasi-haunted pathways between tombstones, a quickie surrounded by the dead might be just be what it takes to really get your blood flowing.   


ABANDONED BUILDING

Ah, the sexual tension propagated by deteriorating hallways and furniture. You know that eerily quiet building in your city that was perhaps a highly functioning factory in its day but has since been abandoned for decades? It now receives sunlight through cracks in the wood panels boarding the windows and it’s got those ‘Private Property, ‘’Do Not Enter’, ‘No Trespassing’ signs nailed against every door? And you’re pretty sure you remember hearing stories about passerby’s hearing screaming coming from inside the decapitated structure? This year, become a wild risk-taker and go where no soul dares to enter. If you’re into weird shit like this, bring your partner and get ready for whoever or whatever will come. 


AN OLD ASYLUM

emember the second season of FX’s popular American Horror Story? Remember all the nightmares you had from watching all the crazy, fucking weird shit that went down in that asylum? Take that concept and apply it to the deserted asylum nearby you and voilà, you have officially reached creeper status with your sex life for even considering doing the dirty here. 


THE WOODS

f you immediately began experiencing Blair Witch Project flashbacks than you’re on the same page I’m on. I can’t think of anything freakier at night than the dark depths of a forest. Was that an animal you just heard nestling through some leaves or a psycho killer? Is that a cult over there performing a séance? Better finish quickly…


A HAUNTED HOUSE

ast but not least, and the most cliché of all, its time we all check off ‘sex in a haunted house’ from our bucket lists, am I right? Who doesn’t want to enter a haunted mansion known for its gruesome murders or mysterious disappearances? You know the one I’m talking about – it’s in the deep depths of the woods and it’s driveway is a really long winding dirt road? The front door is dauntingly unlocked even though every other entrance to the home is dead bolted shut. You’re even pretty sure you hear footsteps upstairs and see dark figures moving around you once you’re inside. Oh, you brought a Ouija board with you to summon an audience from the other side? Cool, good luck with that.  

It’s safe to say if you attempt to get laid in any of the environments or places listed above than you really are among a select population making up the kinkiest, weirdest, Halloween/Horror loving people ever. These suggestions were jokes people. Just be a normal human being and have sex in your costumes after stuffing your faces with way too much candy. Stay safe, be smart, happy humping, and

Happy Halloween!


Laura C. Anderson | @s0mebl0nde


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