MORNING GLORY


“Is there a girl version of morning wood?” 


By: Laura C. Anderson


Nothing says, “early morning riser,” quite like morning wood. Men typically experience erections in the morning due to biological reflexes – their neurological stimulators are causing blood to flow to the penis. These are different sensations occurring throughout the body than, say, the psychogenic responses he has watching porn. Basically – one is voluntary while the other is not. Although his morning wood isn’t planned for, his desire to have sex definitely is. You’ll never meet a man who doesn’t want to wake up to a blowjob. Fact.   


MORNING BREATH: 

Ugh, don’t even get me started. Besides the fact I get seriously pissed off when movies interpret real life as women waking up with their hair and makeup done perfectly, that anger falls short to the misrepresentation that accompanies morning breath. In the movies they make it seem like the character’s breath tastes like berries and cream. When in reality, morning sex pretty much needs to be executed in doggy-style format in order for it to work out for either partner. Breathe into my mouth and all sense of horniness will diminish, just like your boner when I return the favor. 

MORNING MOOD: 

What is it about the morning that makes everything so sensual? Is it the lighting? Perhaps it’s the sheets hugging your body just right making you feel like you’re in a cocoon of warmth and happiness? Me, personally, well I think it’s the fact you’re waking up with your body nestled perfectly against your partner’s. Nothing starts your day off better than a steamy session under the sheets. It gets the endorphins flowing and your blood pumping. No doubt, you’ll be walking into the office Monday morning with a spring in your step after the right morning workout…

MORNING EXERCISE: 

MORNING RELEASE: 

It’s been, what, seven or eight hours since you last had sex (assuming you pounded one out before falling asleep)? That’s a lot of built up fluids and sexual tension, if you ask me. Men and women agree that releasing that sexual build up helps them concentrate better throughout the day. How can anyone focus during an 11:30 am meeting or, even worse, a 2:00 pm presentation, when all your blood is pumping to your privates instead of your brain? 

What she has to say: 

Amanda, 23 “I hate morning sex. I did not wake up to suck a dick, let me shower first or maybe let me eat a protein bar for some energy. Better yet let me at least attempt to look like a human being before you penetrate me, eye-gunk and all.”

Jess, 26 “I find that most of the time men expect us to get on top and ride them because they’re too tired to but it’s like – I’m just as tired as you – and I’m not the one who’s worried about blue balls.”

Miranda, 21 “It’s so satisfying. I mean, sex any time of the day is but there’s something so sensual and intimate about morning sex. Almost like you need it to survive.”

Steph, 33 “It’s hot. My guy loves going down on me in the morning and nothing gets me more fired up to return the favor than waking up to that.”

Carrie, 29 “It’s not super ideal because of morning breath and all that but as long as our faces are somewhat distant than it’s great. An orgasm is an orgasm.”

 Rachel, 37 “It’s my favorite. I don’t always have a ton of energy at the end of a long day at work so banging it out in the morning not only feels great but it helps me feel less guilty.”

 

What he has to say: 

Jared, 22 “I wake up with morning wood often, if my girl is around, I typically task her with taking care of it. I find I have more energy in the morning if I start my day with sex, gets the endorphins and blood flowing. Plus, it keeps me from thinking about sex midday when I’m trying to do work.”

Craig, 34 “Sometimes it’s really inconvenient to wake up with a hard-on but I usually always find a way to take care of it. It always makes me wonder, though, is there a girl version of morning wood? There has to be.”

Matt, 23 “My girlfriend has a huge butt so it’s the best because we typically spoon while we sleep and waking up to her pressed against my junk getting…harder…puts me right in the mood.”

Jesse, 24 “It’s ideal for cuddle sex. Wake up slowly, get that nice spoon session while you gain consciousness, by the time you’re awake your dick is already hard. Neck kisses turn into bites, everything becomes more aggressive and you’re just a ½ turn away from doggy position.”

Nick, 41 “There is absolutely, undoubtedly, nothing in this entire universe greater or more satisfying than a morning blow job. Fact.”

George, 37 “I would miss work for morning sex. In fact, I would miss any planned event or activity if I thought there was a chance I could have an orgasm before noon.”


Laura C. Anderson | @s0mebl0nde


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