By: Laura C. Anderson
It’s the 21st century so naturally men and women have come up with every trick in the book to ask for sex without – you know – actually uttering the words, “Hey, wanna have sex?” Men are especially notorious for this technique. They’ve mastered the coy, confusing lingo that leaves us ladies wondering if we really do get to hang out and play with his new puppy or if by puppy he means penis. Ugh, let’s be real, we all know which one he wants us to play fetch with.
Even Ellen knows the truth behind this one.
But his libido isn’t.
Let’s hope it’s not a movie you actually want to see.
And by dog, he means penis.
Replace “hang” with “fuck.”
It seems harmless but if it’s after midnight, autocorrect should have changed “hey” to “horny.”
The Emoji creators refuse to give us the real deal so if you ever receive a text with this purple vegetable; don’t say I didn’t warn you.
While you’re thinking Deep Tissue or Swedish, he’s thinking Happy Ending.
Have fun doing it on every surface and countertop in that house.
He’s not hoping you’ll show up with brownies or cupcakes.
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