Written by: Amanda V. Taylor
[ Originally published in LIONS DEN UNIVERSITY ]
Throughout my own personal experience, in addition to trolling on the interwebs, it’s grown clear to me that very few individuals know exactly how to achieve the female orgasm. This applies not only to the clueless men out there, but also to the women themselves who aren’t sure just exactly how to get themselves off. To those women, I am here to tell you that you’re not alone.
In the past, I’ve dubbed the few guys who could get me off as magicians who held all the secrets of lady-pleasuring by force of some ancient, mystic sorcery. But with a little help from the purchase of a vibrator (I was having a dry spell, okay?), a little self-exploration, and of course my only friend known as the internet, I figured it all out (turns out it wasn’t sorcery after all).
Here are a few tips to get you started, that will have you finishing in no time:
You MUST get “in the zone”
For females to achieve an orgasm, your body as well as your MIND must be involved in the process. Some of us are prone to getting a little nervous, due to either being somewhat body-conscious in the first place, or maybe the general novelty of experiencing a new person is a little overwhelming.
You must let go of these nerves. Let go of everything. Be zen. Be the orgasm you hope to have. Empty your mind. This sounds like bullshit, right? It isn’t. The intensity of your orgasm is almost completely reliant on your state of mind.
Gentlemen, make sure your lady is relaxed before proceeding, or you are both going to end up very frustrated!
Types of Orgasms
There are supposedly 4 or 5 different kinds of female orgasms, however, these are the 3 we are most familiar with, starting with my favorite:
Yes, EVERY female is capable of this. The fluid released from this kind of orgasm comes from the Paraurethral/Skenes glands. Considering that every woman has these glands, it would follow that every woman has the potential to experience ejaculation. It all comes down to a matter of technique, and the ability to completely let go of any lingering thoughts, and personal restraint. I’m aware that some women may feel confused, ashamed, lonely, humiliated, and sexually abnormal when attempting this- DON’T! Female ejaculation is a beautiful thing, and a truly unique experience. If you want to achieve it, here’s how:
You know, of course, about that little something called a g-spot, a term that was first coined in 1981 by two women, known as Beverely Whipple and Alice Kahn Ladas. The exact location of the g-spot varies between women, but is generally within 1-3 inches of the upper vaginal wall. When a woman is turned-on, this spot is filled with fluid, and the more turned on she is, the more fluid will be present.
While fingering your lady-friend (or yourself), you’ll know you’ve hit the g-spot when you feel a sponge-like raised protrusion, which is essentially the female “erection.” Once you’ve discovered that, use two fingers (or more, depending on preference) and perform a “come here” gesture against this spot. Rhythm, in this sense, is absolutely crucial. In my experience, faster is usually better. The combination of thrusting your fingers in and out while maintaining this fast upward “come here” motion is what makes the squirting a likely result.
That sounds like it might be difficult, but I assure you, once you get the hang of it, it truly is not. Hint- the erect “sponge” will become rougher and fuller at the touch if you’re doing it right. I find that most people miss the mark a bit on this one by having poor rhythm, as well as not motioning high up enough. This spot MUST be hit vigorously, and high up the vaginal wall. If you can’t get it the first time, don’t stress. Some women only release a little bit of fluid at a time. Not many women can just shoot it out like they do in porn. But if you want to attempt that, you have to “push it out” a little bit when you feel it coming – pun intended.
Here’s an orgasm most of us discover pretty early on in the game. For those of you who don’t know, the clit resembles a little pea-sized ball, and is found in the upper part of the labia minora (inner lips). Usually, you’ll have to push back the skin on the pelvic area to reveal the clit hiding under the hood of the vag. Some girls will be bigger and more prominent, and some girls are smaller and more hidden. For the males reading this, imagine all of the nerve endings in your dick condensed into one pea-sized fleshy button. Yeah, it’s pretty intense. Now that you’re aware of the potential, and you’ve found the spot, let’s get started. To stimulate the clitoris you can use your hands, your tongue or a toy (dildo/vibrator).
If you’re doing this to yourself obviously your hand or a toy will be your tool of choice. In this case you’ll need to:
First wet the tip of your finger or two (or your toy) via natural lubrication/water/lube. Then, while having the clit in clear view start with a slow circular motion, making sure the pace is steady. As the clit becomes more engorged, quicken your pace (but keep that pace steady!) and even play with the rhythm until you find one that works. The clit is different on every woman and so no two women are likely to be exactly the same in terms of preference. You may need to stimulate the clit by rubbing your finger(s)/toy up and down or you may need to do a combination of up, down sideways and up and down again. Ladies – you must do some personal exploration in order to find out what you like or this task will be a very difficult one for your partner! My personal favorite is a circular motion that quickens into an up and down pace. A vibrator is likely to bring you closer to an orgasm much quicker and much more intensely – at first! If you abuse the pleasures of the clit via vibrator, it will become desensitized over time, and if that does happen it’s the absolute worst. So be careful with that vibe, ladies!
If you plan to do this to your lady of choice via tongue, here’s how it’s done:
Firstly, start pulling the skin just above the hood of the vagina (it actually kind of looks like a hood) upwards to get a better view of the clit. You’ll need to hold it there the whole time during this act. Start by gently flicking your tongue upwards until the clit becomes more engorged. You’ll know it’s engorged by its larger size (and her physical reaction). Once you’ve stimulated the clit by doing this, start pressing your tongue on the clit in a circular, repetitive motion and pace. A combination of sucking on her clit as well as licking the inner labia adds to the build-up and that’s really what we’re doing here. The bigger the build-up of tension, the bigger and better the release. Tease her a bit before you bring it in for the real thing.
To do this, orgasm is usually achieved by a combination of the circular motion, as well as flicking the clit with the tongue up and down. Try both until one seems to be working for her and DON’T LET THAT PACE FALTER! It’s very easy for us to lose our would-be orgasm by our partner falling out of pace during the deed. If your tongue gets tired, move your head up and down. It has to be fast, but not too fast. It’s an art and it will take time to learn. As SOON as you hear any kind of response from her just keep doing what you’re doing and you’ll get results. Repetition and pace is the most important during a clitoral orgasm. If it works, she’s likely to start thrusting and having what looks like a miniature seizure. Keep doing what you’re doing – you may have to hold her legs down to let her feel it all. You’ll know when it’s over (hint: she’ll go limp).
This is by far, the most difficult orgasm to achieve, and it’s the one most guys who are reading this have likely been waiting for. It’s the orgasm a female gets via penetration, and it doesn’t always work. Size is definitely a factor here. I’ve only really felt this orgasm with someone who’s around 7 inches or above (but there was that one time with that 6-incher that really tried – bless his soul). But hey, it all depends on the vag you’re penetrating. There’s two different ways you can do this:
The best way you can achieve this kind of orgasm is by going at it on top, cowgirl style. It’s up to the lady to move her hips in a circular motion while “hopping” up slightly. The man’s job is to rub his lady’s clit while she does this, maintaining pressure and pace. It requires a lot of teamwork and skill, but it’s 100% doable.
In order to hit what is sometimes called the “a-spot” which stands for the “anterior fornix,” the man must penetrate his woman with short but deep thrusts. The a-spot is along the same wall as the g-spot, however much higher up. Holding her ass for a good grip never hurts.
In the end, sexual exploration begins with oneself. Ladies, if you want your partner to be able to bring you to that point of ecstasy, you have to learn how to bring yourself there first. Learn what motions you like and don’t like, in order to help your sexual partners along the way.
Communication is key to a great orgasm, and that goes for the men reading this as well. Don’t be afraid to ask your woman what she likes. With a combination of techniques, mind-set and communication, you’ll be well on your way to achieving a mind-blowing female orgasm.
Photography by: @thisiseames