BangFit: Pornhub's newest ‘sexercise’ program to get you "FIT AS F%&K"
Just when you thought you'd seen it all, Pornhub, our beloved Internet smut site, has now come up with an evolutionary, badass, and completely ludicrous fitness program designed to get its users "fit as f**k." Aware that most human beings don't get the exercise they need to combat weight gain and poor physical health, the creative geniuses over at Pornhub designed BangFit to save the day, or to at least "fight against our sedentary lifestyles."
They're calling it "the fitness miracle gyms don't want you to know about." Making note of the fact sex is just as strong of a workout as any fitness program out there. Say goodbye to P90X and say hello to 69. You don't have to pump iron in a crowded gym to get the summer bod you want, you just have to pump.
For all you fitness fanatics out there, you now have an even better excuse to have sex. And for all you sex addicts out there avidly watching porn, you can officially feel less shameful about your guilty pleasures since this program highlights the core areas on your body getting worked out while you thrust out. BangFit “combines the cardio of Zumba, the intensity of Crossfit, and the flexibility of yoga (mixed with your favorite sport).”
How can you see which muscles are being targeted, you might ask? The legendary "BangFit band." It's basically the first fanny pack that is and will ever be acceptable to wear while f**king. It’s also sold out according to their website, which is pretty damn impressive. How it works: Your movements while wearing the band appear on your computer screen so you can see which muscles are being targeted. At the end of the round you'll learn just how many calories you burned. The partner with the most calories burned is the ‘winner.’ Although, let’s be real, there’s really no way to lose.
The best and most entertaining part of the program is the wide range of "sexercises" to choose from. From the expected, "Missionary Press" and "Squat and Thrust" to the more erotic, “G-Spotting” and “Moan and Tone.” There are twelve exciting positions to choose from to get your blood pumping. No matter your fitness level, everyone qualifies and is invited, nay, encouraged, to take part in banging to stay fit.
Once you begin you have the ability to choose how many players are taking part in the session to see who scores the highest after each round. Unlike most games, in BangFit's case, the points come second to the scoring. Don't have the opportunity to "work out" with a partner? Not to worry. There's a "single player" option as well, after all, it is PornHub.
I could talk about this insanely awesome invention all day or you could just watch the explanatory video below. Enjoy and prepare to get your minds blown - you know - right before getting something else blown...
Laura C. Anderson | @s0mebl0nde
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