BANG FOR YOUR BUCK
How riding with Uber increases your chances of riding someone else
By: Laura C. Anderson
In its seventh year, Match.com has released their Singles In America survey where they poll singles across the country how it feels, what it looks like, and what it means to be single today. In 2016, over 5,500 singles were surveyed. While the entire survey unveils intriguing and slightly obvious results, one result in particular begs you to question what you just read.
That’s right, talking to your Uber driver about your love life makes you THREE TIMES more likely to get laid. Of course, there’s zero evidence supporting this correlation but because we like what we’re being fed we aren’t questioning it.
This information piqued my curiosity just enough to get the scoop from six Uber drivers who all claim they were either given the opportunity to get laid or actually did take their passengers all the way home. Talk about going the extra mile to get that five-star rating.
Three men and three women divulge the dirty details of late-night Ubering below.
“I’ve been an Uber driver for four years now and it’s almost a given that on a busy weekend night I’ll pick up a few vulnerable or sad girls who were just broken up with or are desperate to get laid. Those girls almost always invite me inside with them, especially after they’ve had a few drinks. I’ve had sex with a dozen or so passengers and I’ve never gotten a bad Uber rating so…”
“I can honestly say I’ve only turned the app on four times when my bank account was getting a little too low for my own comfort. Two of those four times I picked up women, once after the bars, and once in the afternoon. I’m married and I’m not sure whether the girls saw my ring and didn’t care or if they couldn’t tell from where they were sitting in my car. When I picked up the four girls downtown it was almost 2 am and I was asked to join all four girls upstairs (hey-oh), and the second time it was almost 2 pm and the girl I picked up from the airport hit on me and bluntly asked me out on a date. I told her I was married but flattered. She still insisted I come up. Don’t worry, I didn’t.”
“I remember the first time I had sex with one of my passengers. She was my last trip for the evening and the first thing I remember thinking when I saw her was, ‘wow, she’s so beautiful.’ I opened the backseat door for her but she declined my invitation and opened the passenger side door instead. Our commute together was 45 minutes – plenty of time to get to know someone, especially one on one. I don’t even think we listened to music – we just talked. When we arrived at her home she told me she felt something she wanted to explore inside. I knew right then what was going down.
I kept wondering if I was somehow going to get fired but then I remembered I was working for myself. It felt naughty and a little wrong but it was also so exciting. It wasn’t a one-night-stand, either. She and I actually ended up dating for quite a few months, with the understanding I would not be going inside with any of my other riders…”
“I live in what’s probably the hardest city in the world to find a meaningful relationship, yet the easiest in the world to find a quickie. I know the first part from countless failed attempts at the bars and through Tinder or Bumble. I know the second part from driving an Uber for a living. They neglected to inform about the sexual benefits when I first applied for the job. It’s been close to six years and I can honestly say that anytime I’ve wanted a quick romp in the sack, I just turn my app on and odds are 1 in 5 will be thinking or hoping for the same thing. Those are my statistics and I’m not complaining.”
“My fiancé was my first-ever Uber passenger. I was so nervous the first time I picked him up. I wasn’t sure if I should talk or just remain silent or ask him his preference of music, and it didn’t help at all that he was so handsome. I later found out he found my nerves and jumpiness ‘cute.’ That day he asked me for my number and I felt like I was violating some unwritten Uber contract. Today I still have a very lucrative career with Uber and I have a ring on my finger to boot.”
“I love Uber. I get hit on all the time. Sometimes, and this sounds silly, I’ll just be sitting at home and feeling a little lonely or neglected so I’ll doll myself up, grab my car keys, and turn on the app. I’ll spend an afternoon or an evening just picking up as many people as possible. The money is awesome but I’m in it mostly for the compliments and the open invitations to come party inside the bar or club with my passengers. I don’t always take them up on their offers – I have a smile on my face at the end of the night just knowing I got the same experience at the bars but from the comfort and safety of my own car.”
When I asked each driver to weigh in on whether they felt their chances of having sex was high the responses were unanimous. As an Uber driver and an Uber passenger, I’d say your likeliness to get laid is high because, hot or not, it’s the convenience and intimacy the experience provides.
Almost like the relationship formed between a bartender and his or her patron, passengers feel a level of trust for their driver and vice versa. A tiny space of comfort is created in the vehicle and I think it’s this atmosphere mixed with the raging hormones in our ‘casual hook-up culture,’ which takes down all applied barriers. So basically what I’m saying is, this survey result is ridiculous but also probably pretty accurate. Who was to guess taxiing would be the newest and hottest way to get laid?
Laura C. Anderson | @s0mebl0nde
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